Friday, 16 March 2012

S*it Teachers Say

Once again the school year has begun.

When I was young, I was thrilled by it because it meant new teachers, new school objects, sometimes new mates, new adventures. Everything was new. And that "newness" made me feel excited at the very beginning - though later it was the same ol' shit, so I got bored and decided that I wanted vacations again.

Behave propperly, you mother f*ckers!
 Or I'll spank you with my pointer

After some years, when I realized that being a teacher was my fate and that I was -and still am- in love with my job, the beginning of the school year became a very important event. On that day you get to meet your students, to see their faces for the first time, and you get a general idea of what the whole year might be like; also, you think about all the things you're going to do differently from the previous years or the new techniques or ideas you want to apply.

However, after some weeks, teachers tend to begin to mutate... and gradually, they become monsters. Yeah, I know, not all teachers are bad, but believe me when I say we all have a dark side students and parents never see. Even the one who adoringly smiles at her not-so-adorable students  . Yep, they're the worse.

With all this I don't mean that we hate our students, that would be a lie. But there are some that can get the worse out of you! So, what do we do about it? Yes, we lie, we say shit we don't think in order to cover that dark side of ours.

 For example, there's one thing teachers always say: I don't have a favourite student. Actually, we say that in order not to get the other students to feel bad about it, but we do have a favourite. I think it's impossible not to have a favourite. Sometimes, it's the one who offers him/herself to do whatever you want them to do. Other times, it's the one who you know doesn't get a single thing of what you explain, the one who needs your help constantly because it's too much for him or her to understand. Also, it could be the one who causes every single problem, but whom you know needs a lot of affection. Or, it might be that student that reminds you how you were when you were young.

The same thing happens when you have a few groups of the same age. They tend to ask which group you think it's better, and we say we don't have a favourite one. Even when we know that they know that it's a bare-faced lie.

Yeah, we're even cruel at times. When you have those annoying bullies in your class, there's a voice inside your head that tells you 10 different ways to make him/her fail in your class or 10 ways to get that child to shut the fuck up and stop messing up with the rest of the class. And let me tell you, that voice is cruel. Trust me, you don't think good things when you see a student of yours punching another one or insulting him/her.

Another example is the one about cursing. I mean, if you're at home and you accidentally kick a chair with your bare foot you're going to curse like a sailor. Students should pay attention to their language in class and inside the school, but when they ask you: "Have you ever cursed?" and you say "No", you're telling the biggest lie you've ever told. And that leads me to another thing, we tell them not to lie, but we lie to them!

Okay, I think I'm gonna stop now. The rest of the dark side will remain a secret...


  1. Teaching has GOT to be THE hardest job in the world. Kudos to you. One teacher in my town has been all over the news this week for beating up 6 kids in class with a stick. Guess those students never made it to his favorite list.

  2. It is totally unreasonable for people to actually thing that a teacher wouldn't have a favorite student or class. We are human. Of course, we do.

    I also have the kids that I wouldn't miss if they never came back.

  3. Well, of course you have a favorite student. No one is without bias. However, it says a lot about you that you strive to treat your students as equally as possible. Good for you!

  4. I always have favorites. I had a favorite foster child once and my own son swore up and down that I loved that child more than him. Of course I didn't...of course not.

  5. Everyone has favorites, even if they swear the opposite is true! I serve 50 or so patients and their parents at any given time. I always have favorites and always have crazies. I was one of each to some staff member when my child was one of their patients ;-).