Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Ladies and gentlemen... My bitchy mother-in-law

I still don't know who was the creature above who created mothers-in-law in the first place. What was he thinking? Was he planning on us needing a replacement for our own mothers? Was it that he didn't like his own mother enough that he needed the rest of humanity to have some kind of a substitute in case someone had issues like him?

My mother-in-law is anything but a substitute mother to me. She's nosy, bitchy and completely annoying. The thing is that at the very beginning, when I met her, she seemed the complete opposite to what I'm describing. Just a housewife with a huge smile and 3 sons, who was happy to have a female individual around his male-crowded house. Harmless, huh?

She played the perfect mother-in-law role for almost 6 years. Now, she became tired of it and Grendel's mum is beginning to replace her. She suddenly realized that what she was doing was out of the number 1 rule of the "Bitchy mothers-in-law Club": you must never treat your daughter-in-law as if she was your real daughter. For that reason, she began doing annoying stuff such as asking my boyfriend to stay at home for dinner because "your grandparents are coming over and when I told your granny you were going to E's house, she became so sad!". Bullshit! She just wanted him to stay at home because she knew we were going to be alone at my house (I live with my mum and she was going out that night). But hey, if she's bitchy, I'm bitchier (does that word even exist?) so I went there, had dinner, and after Leo's grandparents left we came to my house and she ended up there tearing her hair out.

"Jealousy is the green eyed monster" Shakespeare said. Well, in this case I could say "jealousy is the brown eyed mother-in-law". She's jealous of everything Leo does, and even more if he does it with me: "He talks to you" "He didn't say that to me... Well, that's because he doesn't care for me and only talks to you" "He doesn't even call me on the phone" "Sometimes, I know he's with you, but he doesn't call me to say he misses me... That must be because he doesn't love me at all" "When he sees you he's all smiles, when he sees me he's always in a bad mood" "I asked him to lend me some money, he said he didn't have enough... oh, btw, what a nice pair of jeans! Did he buy it for you? Oh, no! I know you work and earn money to pay for them... I just thought that since he said he didn't have enough money to lend me, perhaps he had spent it on you" 

Yeah, she puts a face similar to this one

Okay, so she turned 50 last year and she was unlucky enough to get divorced the same year, so she's going through some "middle-age"/ pre-menopausal crisis and she cries over every single stupid thing. However, she cries even harder when she tries to convince me not to steal her sweet boy from her while looking like Puss in Boots and saying "I know that once you two are married, he's going to forget about this old lady here. Leo's not going to need me then, and I won't see him againg. I know he won't come to see me anymore once he's moved out of here. I won't even see my grandsons!"

Let's face it, after she has called at 1 a.m. on Saturday (Leo stays at my home on Friday and Saturday night) to ask my boyfriend if his car is inside the garage "because according to the weather report hailstones are going to fall tonight", only to attempt to continue the conversation by asking him "What were you doing? Were you awake?", I can definitely say she's nosy.  Was she expecting Leo to say "No, actually I was passionately making love to E?" or " No, E's asleep. I'm watching some porn on the computer now" or "Yes, it's 1 in the morning! I'm trying to get some mother-fucking sleep!". She just wants to know everything. Every.Single.Mother.Fucking.Thing.

Now it's your turn to tell me what should I do? Should I kill her? Should I find her a man? Should I tell my boyfriend her mother is a complete pain in the ass? I tried to say that to him and he laughed and said "I know". How crazy is that?

I just know one thing: I definitely will decline the offer to join the "Bitchy Mothers-in-Law Club" in the future. I don't want any of my daughters or sons-in-law to be writing a post on a blog about how hideous his or her mother-in-law is.


  1. Any type of "back off" verbage should come from him, not you. Or else she'll only get more combative...

    And remember, karma is a bitch. You yourself may be a mother in law yourself some day...

  2. He needs to back you up and say something to his mother. Bitchy or not, she will be a part of your life until she is dead. You don't want to get into a situation you will have to live with for decades.

  3. You two are so right about it! I've been discussing it with Leo lately and, luckily, he has said something to her (not in front of me, obviously, so I have no clue as to what he might have said). I saw her a while ago and she was really calmed. She even said she was trying to find a good therapist, so perhaps something has clicked inside her head... Let's just hope she finds one soon!

    Thanks for your comments, gentlemen! =)

  4. Hope you husband play a vital role to fix this mess up.

  5. * middle-aged
    * menopausal signs
    * "recently" divorced

    Sweetie, no person on earth can get over these 3 "symptoms", let alone at the same time! So....uh.... 'be patient' ? And how come you're married? Aren't you like 24 or something? You shouldn't be married! :P

  6. Sounds like she is going through a REAL bad time and needs to do some serious work on herself before she can be happy. I say kill her with kindness.

  7. İzdihër: yeah, he's helping me out so... I'll keep you updated about it!

    Tallullah: I'm not married, girl! We've been together for almost 7 years now and we're engaged, but our wedding will not be soon, we're saving money to buy our own house first and things in Argentina are quite complicated right now when it comes to economy.

    Just Keepin' It Real, Folks!: I'll follow your advice...it's the best thing to do anyway appart from being patient.

    1. Oh my goodness please don't get married. Now is a good time to break up and live your life! You're so young and you're gonna make a huge mistake. You're going to see handsome men walking down the street and think: "I can't be with them, I can't even have sex with them" and you know why? Not because you just can't, but because your mother-in-law will be following and watching dear... It's not accidental the title "mother-in-LAW".
      haha just kidding. NOT.
      OK enough with the rambling, some one might think I'm jealous or something!

  8. Wow, that stinks! I have been very fortunate in my mother-in-law encounters over the years. My Lady Friend's mom and dad for that matter are both super nice people. We get along great. Sorry to rub it in!


  9. I agree with Brett, your man needs to tell her to stop what she's doing. Calling at one in the morning is not acceptable, and if those quotes are actual things she said then she is a bit of a monster. Geez, did you see Animal Kingdom?

    Anyhoo, I have a MIL from planet WTF myself, so I feel you. My husband is well aware she's nuts, so he doesn't have much to do with her, but this past holiday was a bit rough. I feel ya!

  10. The Simple Dude: Now, I'm jealous of you and your in-laws! Lol. Just kidding!

    And Vesta...she is a monster, indeed! Luckily the call at one a.m. was just once, but otherwise I would have her dead by now lol I know at some point she was going to get jealous, after all, he's the oldest and I'm the first girl to enter his house... But I would have expected all those bitchy comments at the very beginning, not now almost 7 years later.
    Luckily, she's going away on holiday next week (the first holiday since she got divorced) so I hope she'll come back as a human again...

  11. Give her more wine. My mother-in-law adores me, but wine makes her even more loving. Seriously, this one sounds horrid! Maybe you should screen calls, minimize visits, set boundaries with your love, etc. Get a firm grasp before she gets more out of hand! Or, give her a firm back hand ;-)

  12. i have the worst mother in law ahw constantly bullys me and controls nearly every thing even with my daughter my husband is his mums blue eyed boy i get so fed up of her constant bitching and nagging at me she has fret-tend me in the past saying she would smack my face in i bet she was a bully at school my husband doesnt realise the hurt i go though and when i stick up for my self she gets more aggresive