Thursday, 2 February 2012

My neighbour, the tramp

Well, people, I think my next-door neighbour's a prostitute. Yeah, yeah, as you read it! I seriously think she's works as a prostitute. There's nothing wrong about it, it's the world's oldest job, isn't it? But, what is wrong is that she doesn't contribute with her neigbours' need to sleep at night. She doesn't contribute AT. ALL.

It all began when she moved to our building. I live in a beautiful city, with very beautiful buildings and houses. The people living in my building are mostly old couples, or very old single ladies; except for myself and my mom, a lesbian couple who lives in the flat above ours, and a very tall and good looking blond who lives with her midget husband. And a couple of months ago, this young-woman with her son moved to the flat next to ours. We supposed she was divorced because a man comes every other weekend, and some days during the week, and takes the boy with him.

About a month ago, it was Saturday night and I was alone with Leo at my place. We were having dinner when we suddenly heard something like a moan coming from the hallway, we were silent for a while and heard the elevator's door, a few steps in the hallway and a stiffed laugh, and then, the flat's door being shut.
The elevator is a fetish to some people, perhaps she was one of them, so it wasn't weird. We laughed at it.

Later that night, about 2 hours after the elevator episode, we heard some moans again coming from her balcony and 30 minutes later her flat's door opened, she went downstairs and came back into her flat only to go out again 10 minutes later. At that point, we were keeping everything quiet in order to listen at what was going on outside (yeah, I know, we were being nosy, but it was funny and we were curious about it). She came back up, and while she was opening the elevator's door we heard another man talking to her. 30 minutes later, a banging noise against the living room wall told us they were having fun.

At 1 a.m. I was woken up by her, shouting at the top of her lungs "YEAAAAHHHH, ALFREDOOO". Not only she scared the shit out of me, but also she woken me up and I really needed to sleep. I got up, trying not to wake Leo, to have a glass of water and while I was in the kitchen I heard her opening the door again. And I must say, she didn't make any effort to keep it quiet, she banged the door every single fucking time.

Obviously, you know what happened next... 15 minutes later, a new man came up. And so the night continued, with her screaming like a banshee and men coming to her flat every two or three hours. She finally got quiet almost at 6 a.m. and I was finally able to sleep.

Now, this has been occurring every time her son's at his father's house... And guess what? This weekend he's going on holiday with him. I'm so screwed. I think I'm gonna get some sleeping pills. 


  1. Maybe you can hustle her for a percentage of her profits to keep quiet. Invest in some earplugs and make a little cash on the side.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Alfredo knows his business girl, don't get annoyed when he gives satisfaction to the woman. Maybe you're lucky and he has your way with you too IF you were single. Come on I'm just kidding. But a situation like this, could not be nothing else but funny. Hey maybe you can wake up your man next time and tell him with an attitude: "Are you listening to what Alfredo is doing? Why don't I have that?" hahahaha that would be so funny!

  3. Girl, you need to charge admission for these dudes to get into your building. You could also sell condoms and lubricant. THINK PROFIT off of her venture!!!!! Don't let her have all the fun.

  4. Right now, after reading your comments I'm planning on making some profit out of it, guys Lol